I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
