I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
