i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
