I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
