you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
