I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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