I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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