i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
