I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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