As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
