Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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