There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
