I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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