one two three fourrrrnication!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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