the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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