it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
