Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can you bring me the toilet please
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
