So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
