Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He did a backflip because drugs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
