nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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