then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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