The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
