hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
