I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
