i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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