Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
