you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
PANTIES FOUND
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