i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
