yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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