You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
