There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
