Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
