Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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