I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
