but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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