I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
