would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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