Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
