I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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