Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
