Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
