She is in my trunk
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
