My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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