where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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