And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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