Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
