too bad you live with your parents still
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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