So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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