wanna go halves on a baby?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
