Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there was a trapeze. enough said
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
